The Tears I Cry
by ShowMeTheStarsIn221B
Summary: A collection of poems about the people left behind after their loved ones have been taken away from them. So far Jean/Marco and hints of Levi/Petra.
1. Jean

_One quick note: Most of the stuff in here are headcanons. I have not read the manga (I know, I am a poor, deprived human being), so my knowledge of SnK only extends to episode 17. The only spoiler in here is the fact that Marco died, and if you are reading this I assume you know that already. _

* * *

Every day I march onwards

My life on the line, my green cloak around my shoulders

To remind me of what I sacrificed

I walk alone, surrounded by others but never connecting with them

Because I can only connect with one person

And that person is you

And you are gone.

I see you sometimes

Walking beside me

Guiding my footsteps

Smiling brightly

As you did when you were living

Breathing

Beating

Heart and bones

Still intact

Face still there

Body whole

Unlike my pathetic heart

Which still belongs to you

Always and forever

Until the day I die

And join you

Too soon, too soon

But not soon enough.

And while the others move on

Dancing on a knife's edge, lives hanging by a thread

Living life as brightly as a flame

So easy to snuff out

As I have learnt already

When I walked along a blood-splattered street and found your body

Frozen in death

"His name was Marco Bodt."

_And I love him with all my heart_

_Which is broken_

_So broken_

With blades in both hands

I shall avenge you

I shall cut down

Every last Titan

With that sword

Which used to belong to you

Much like my entire existence

Every caress, every kiss I save for the thing that will save my life

Were supposed to be the ones I would give to you

Thousands of days

And thousands of nights

I would have spent with you

If only I had not been so weak.

You called me that one

You told me I was a leader

And that you will always follow me

Because that's why you were still alive.

I failed you

I failed I failed I failed

I'm a failure

Yet you watch over me

My angel

I know you are there

I can see you sometimes

Out of the corner of my eye

When I turn my head, when I blink away the tears

You are gone again

But I know you are still there, holding me close.

You are there every time I rush into battle

Every time I cry myself to sleep.

You are there in the good times too

Like when Christa and Ymir were married

And everyone attended

Even you

We watched the smiling, trembling Christa, decked out in a white dress

Said her vows

Binding herself to Ymir for life

They were so happy

So _fucking happy_

I did my best to smile for them

But all I could feel was your ghostly hands comforting me, arms holding me gently

Because we never had our wedding

Our happy ending

I love you Marco

I always will

So I shall live out the rest of life

For you

I shall live for both of us

You can count on me

But I'll be waiting

For that day

When it's my turn to be left

Bleeding

Tears of happiness running down my face

Because at last

I am with you.


	2. Levi

_A/N: I watched episode 22 and decided to write another poem. This one is from Levi's perspective. I actually have no idea how many poems I will be writing, but every chapter is a different poem about a different event. Thanks for all the support and awesome feedback! You guys are the best._

* * *

Alone

Such a small word

For such a large feeling

A feeling that has the power to consume me

Eat away at me from the inside

Inner agony makes me want to scream

To bend over double

And spit my pain out of my mouth with such force

That I might get rid of the chasm

The raging silence that has taken me

That shall hold me captive forevermore.

What did your faces look like?

All I can remember is the blood and the canvas

That thumped onto the dust

At my command

Your laughter is now ghostly in my ears

Forever haunting

My closest friends have slipped away

Before I even realised what I had

A family

A home.

Gunter, Erd, Auruo and Petra

What else did I not know about you?

I met your loved ones for the first time today

The first time I saw their faces (so much like yours), they are screwed up in pain and denial

Like mine would have been

If I did not have to stay strong

For you

For humanity.

Petra, I gave away your emblem

I hope you do not mind

I gave it to a soldier in need

He had lost his closest friend

Just like I had

And when your father told me about that letter

That letter, written by your own living hand

About your devotion to me

I felt my heart break, shatter, rip until it was simply shards scattered around my feet

Because, who knows?

We might have had a future

But that bitch, that traitor, that thing, neither human nor titan

Took everything away.

Never again will I hear

That constant teasing of Petra's

That self-righteous cussing of Auruo's

That responsible silence of Erd's

That down-to-earth scolding of Gunter's

And I have never realised how much would miss it

But I do

I miss it

I miss you

So fucking much.

So come back

Don't be dead

Don't leave me all alone

In this cruel, heartless world

That I have seen far too much of.

When I fight, please guide my hand

You believed in me then

All I want is for you to still believe in me now

Even though I feel broken

Beyond any possible repair.

They look at me, those soldiers

And they think I have no heart

Because they can't see it in my face

It's true

I don't have one

It's been ripped out of my chest

Along with you

Being ripped out from the fabric of this world.

Are you happier now?

There must be no hell worse

Than the one you have just escaped

Leaving me behind

To pick up the pieces

And abandon your corpses

Amid the cries of the living

That echo my own thoughts

Because leave you I did

Along with part of myself

That flies alongside you

On the Wings of Freedom.


End file.
